


Rules for Parents

by Gwynne



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-23
Updated: 2012-02-23
Packaged: 2017-10-31 14:54:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/345368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwynne/pseuds/Gwynne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A list found near the nursery in Vorkosigan House.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rules for Parents

Rules for Parents  
• ‘Escape, survive, sabotage’ is not an appropriate nursery rhyme.

• Any story that includes the terms ‘body count’, ‘field of fire’, ‘collateral damage’, ‘within range’ or ‘flesh wound’ is not an acceptable bed-time story.

• In fact, care should be taken at any time when telling the children about Daddy’s military exploits.

• And about Granda Aral’s.

• Some of the episodes in Grandmere Cordelia’s life can wait a few years, too.

• And we won’t even discuss Great-grandfather Piotr’s career for a few decades at least.

• You can also stop telling them that Mummy beats up terrorists and stopped a Cetagandan war single-handed. It’s not as if I make a career of that sort of thing. 

• The list of suitable toys for young children does not include any kind of projectile weapons, energy weapons or edged blades.

• Children must be able to walk before they learn to ride a horse.

• Camping trips do not involve explosives.

• ‘When you’re at the Academy’ should not be uttered more than once a day.

• They are not required to recognise all major Cetagandan face-paint designs before age five.

• There is an age when you’re ready to try maple mead. It’s not when the age is still in single figures.

• Impsec personnel should not be used for babysitting duties.

• If the children are going anywhere with Uncle Ivan, one of the armsmen will drive.

• Any activity involving the words ‘target practice’ is banned until further notice.

• You do not take the children to see Daddy at work on days when you expect someone will try to shoot at you.

• It is acceptable to take the children on a tour of the Residence. It is acceptable to take them on a tour of Castle Vorhartung to see the Council of Counts chamber, but some displays in the museum can be avoided. It is not acceptable, or even desirable (and possibly not even legal), to take them on a tour of Impsec headquarters. 

• When taking the children out anywhere, it’s a good idea to count them before and after. Always return the same number of children that you took out.

• Sooner or later they will all have some time on Beta. This includes the girls. You'll just have to get used to the idea.

• There is no objection to the children learning some basic self-defence when they are old enough. However, that does not involve teaching them all the dirtiest techniques from Impsec and the Dendarii combined. Especially just before an important social event where the children might be tempted to try out some of the new holds on members of the Council of Counts.

• And next time it happens, their father can write the letters of apology.

• When they go to play with their cousins in the Residence, do not show them all the secret passages.

• There are games that don’t involve attacks, invasions or armed resistance. Learn them.

• Being a good stepfather does not include giving dating tips. Especially not with examples from experiences with past girlfriends. Some details do not need to be shared.

• Do a room check and remove all children before any high-security, work-related or political discussions take place.

• Do not teach the children how to have bannister-sliding competitions. 

• Fireworks are for special occasions only.


End file.
